Four Words

This is the first time I've posted anything up that I've written in an attempt at poetry. It's more like a mental flush. I was having a hard time finding the words for a particular situation. So this was me reflecting on the words I was having a difficult time articulating and allowed me to organize some of the jumbled thoughts I was having at the time. I eventually found the words.

Four Words (written June 2008)

I was never forwards.
Backwards maybe,
Mission completed through strategy...maybe
This goes here, that goes there, do this, get that…done.

Next.

Scarves protect your neck against the uncertainties of the world… exactly, matter of fact-ly.
Walk around, pride on your chest, and we all know it serves as a bullet proof vest.

Watch out for the head shots!

Time moves forward…
You have no choice of how fast you’re going
Can’t take the next step when you’re thinking and not knowing
When you’re thinking about the steps you already took…
Driving your economy car in reverse, reading life’s How To book

But all this makes no sense, unless I retrace my steps
Before the passed and failed tests, the Lego sets, and the laying of this egg in my parent’s nest

I was born before words.
These words are just words.
And what I think I am now is because of these words
Before my Self became a self composed of these words
From which I am described…I am…these words.

And now…
I’m an idea dismembered by Webster’s (s)words.
Put together by societal wars
Built into an edifice of existence, structured and firm
With no ceiling, no floor and a laissez faire attitude with no locks on the back door; contra-diction.

What the hell are we waiting forrrr…Breathe.

Fast forward, rewind, pause…I’ve got it

Stop.

Sticks and stones may break my bones
And words create clones and drones
The red light is glowing, we’re waiting for the green to get going
And once you hear the word GO, you still don’t step
Seat belt, airbag, rear mirrors…check.

Words are unjust, thus adjusting our lives, thrust us into a meaning without justice
Is it just us or has the world grown dependant upon words discussed
The world’s disgust, devoid of self-trust, undefined truth like love and lust

To Be…
What I am before the limiting structure of grouped letters, syllables, and cleverly cluttered conundrums
Climbing from the components of my larynx
Collecting into the coils of your tympanic membrane
Relentlessly slamming my words against your eardrums
Self-calculating into a false clarity of consciousness of what are really just vibrating airborne molecules…

What am I saying?
What does it mean?
What game is your mind playing?
How…would you know if it’s Playstation, Xbox or Wii
We didn’t create these words…and we don’t define them…do we?

Before these words, I was indescribable, Incomparable
I lived before these words and I will live beyond these words
For now I forecast in Four Words, for-my-future’s-future
and I bring my words together like a suture. My life, for-my-future's-future.

Play.

I am, before these words I say
I am, a step before them and a step behind
Before these words reach your ear, they reside in my mind
I own them, they are mine

…With that said, I offer them to You
To be re-framed and re-constructed by You
Into an existence maintained by You
If they make you want to move, then MOVE!

Be forward, It echoes…

Be forwards
Before words
Be for words
Be four words
Be Forward, Before Words.
Go. For-My-Future's-Future

Re: Again?...Desensitization Commence

After posting just the bare information, I just couldn't help but have more thoughts on this situation.


Watching the videos and reading the articles makes this situation just unreal to me (notice the label: Beyond My Comprehension)...



The story of this shooting bothers me...obviously.

Obviously, the fact that the young man was shot for no reason bothers me. He was only a few months younger than I am. Obviously, the fact that the shooting was in a public transportation hub bothers me. "Reckless" is an understatement. Obviously, the fact that the officer claims that it was an accident BOTHERS me. He thought he was shooting his taser? Why would he taze him anyway? He was cuffed, laying on his stomach...

Oscar Grant, the man shot in Oakland...22 yrs old.
Amadou Diallo, shot by police in the Bronx in 99...23 yrs old.
Shawn Bell shot by police in Queens in 06...23 yrs old.


What bothers me most is that the public seems to be desensitized to situations like this. And just so I'm clear, I'm not surprised at the reaction of desensitization and, actually, I'm not upset with the masses for becoming desensitized. I feel as though, to equal and simultaneous extents, the main stream desensitizes the whole while individuals fight AND/OR allow desensitization.

Idealism just will not work here. Let's be realistic. I'm upset with the fact that incidents like this continuously occur (why?) and am upset with the possibility that our consciousness can, at some point, become immune to reacting to excessive force incidents--like the body's immunity to "chicken pox" or a bacteria's immunity to an antibiotic. I'm looking beyond today. What are the long-term implications of actions like this?

DESENSITIZE –verb (used with object), -tized, -tiz⋅ing.
1. to lessen the sensitiveness of.
2. to make indifferent, unaware, or the like, in feeling.

Even in my lack of reaction, I am upset. I am upset that I am not MORE upset. It's hard to be extremely upset when you are not surprised by something. Instead, I am upset, mixed with a lot of disappointment.

With all of the violence that we are constantly bombarded with, how do we feel anything?

One of the most striking things about this is how young this man was before the prime of his liwas stripped from him--like Diallo and Bell. Why are we "getting used to" young men shot and killed by police?

I apologize for the rant-y-ness of this post and how unorganized it may be...

I feel like I have to address the racial implications of this case-- but not to bring up the fact that Oscar Grant, Diallo and Bell were of a darker complexion. My idealistic side would have me believe that these incidents occur across racial lines when put into the context of the entire country, where this is infact a vast majority. I don't want to hear about a white, Asian, etc. person having this happen to them. I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ANYONE...but why does it just seem to happen to us?

I'm sure it happens with other groups, but it doesn't get spread across the airwaves of mass media. Are we a spectacle, a show for everyone to look at and think "...again?" And the more that "...again?" happens, the increased likelihood that we'll feel nothing from it. Right?

The day when no one reacts to the brutal killing of an innocent person, regardless of his stratified group, is the day when all humanity has experienced the height of suffering and self-abuse. When numbing occurs when the body is extremely cold or extremely hot, numbing that occurs after flesh is burned or cut, numbing that occurs when love is betrayed, are all caused by external entities. When those externals are removed, prevented or eliminated, numbing does also. However, the numbing that occurs when failure is an accepted aspect of life, the numbing that occurs when one's actions are gauged, not based on personal asperations, but based on the failures of others, all exist internally. These internal entities cannot simply be removed. They need to be extracted carefully, piece-by-piece. Otherwise, the foundation that has been invaded will exist severely damaged. Internal entities of self-control (or coping) serve as a mechanism for dealing with life and fills a gap. Swiftly removing a coping mechanism away that helps a person "deal", places them at a disadvantage--mentally, emotionally and in some cases, physically.

So America cannot and will not just stop the process of glorified violence and destruction because it fills the gaps in our culture. America needs to be weened off of this drug--like a consciousness rehabilitation.

When we are numb from self-inflicted pain, no "pain" will exist, but damage will persist.

So a part of me is relieved that people are rioting and 60 people addressed the BART Board about this because it means that the pain is still sharp enough to cause a reaction, not because pain is good, but because pain needs to cause a reaction so that a "teachable moment" is realized.

At what point will we stop abusing ourselves? Pain is the America's drug of choice...and we will OD--but when?

Below is an article on the resignation of the officer who shot the 22 year-old man. I'll be following the outcomes of this. I don't know about you...
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/01/07/BART.shooting/index.html?iref=newssearch

Another video highlighting the riots.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFsYYsB9B8k

I think I got that monkey off my back...I think.



...I didn't even discuss police brutality!!

I didn't discuss what changes could reform the way that law enforcement behaves, organizes, ranks itself and can ultimately revamp the way that law enforcement is perceived by the public!

AHHH...I feel unfulfilled by this post. The monkey is now a gorilla...



Another time...

Again?

So if you haven't heard, a 22-year old man was shot by a BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) police officer in Oakland, CA on New Year's Day. The victim was handcuffed face down and shot in the back in public. Below is a video report of the incident with clips caught by bystanders using the video feature of their camera phone.

For some reason, the videos won't embed correctly. I'll try again later. For now, use the links.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmewmYovccE

Below is a video of the riots that have followed. Yes, RIOTS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JfdWCJaAdo

This is a video of a guy trying too hard to find some action. He finds nothing really (he got there late) but if you skim through the video (kind of long) you'll see some of the aftermath of the riots.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-p0xDdShwo

Here are also some articles on the reactions of the public...

http://www.ktvu.com/news/18434205/detail.html

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2009/01/08/MN2N155CN1.DTL

My only question is this:

Again???